I have all this love to share with the shi’a and it’s being thrown back in my face. It’s WRONG apparently. Apparently no one is used to love.
So is it my fault that I’m different? I never felt like I fit any where.
I always feel like im being punished because of how ugly and shitty of a person i am.
Mental construction created by my lovely twin sister.
I’m the ugliest person to walk this earth.
How nice is it to walk around thinking that?
Ever since I was a child my twin sister has time and time again tried to make me believe how disgusting of a person I am. Makes me believe that I am mentally ill. Now I know where this anger is from. SO MUCH ANGER.
So much humiliation.
so many tears.
I was never as smart as her, never as talented, never allowed to be what I wanted to be when I grow up etc. These memories I have with my sister are nightmares. I went suicidal at one point. Now I remember why. It’s because she always tried to make me believe that I should hate myself. She gave me reasons to hate myself. I’m fat.. I have acne… I have ugly teeth, I have a big nose, I’ve gained some weight etc. these are all things she’s said when they’re not true.
No respect for privacy either. She’ll go on my phone or computer whenever she wants thinking she owns me and that because she is a third person, she can tell me what’s wrong with me. That’s the only reason… to tell me what’s wrong with me. I need my counselor. but even she does that. Why am I vulnerable?
Wow… My memory has really strengthened! Alhamdulillah always. I was getting anxious because of the fear of failing due to my poor memory. I’m still afraid of the fear but that’s normal. I’m reviewing my material but only Allah swt can help me from this point. I really think I’ve done my best. I trust in Him.
I don’t know how much more I need to review but I might as well continue. I’m more fearful of my last two exams than the first two.
I was so stressed out because I thought I’d forget my exam material. Turns out… I actually forgot how good my memory used to be before depression! Alhamdulillah always
This world has escaped from the clutches of my hands,
Now controlled by the waves of the ocean and the winds of the tides.
Never before have I felt this sensation of loneliness,
As I sit here under the shadows of this misfortune’s cries.
don’t let tumblr make you believe that
-smoking is cool
-being a narcissistic bitch is acceptable
-trusting nobody is healthy
-starving yourself will make you beautiful
-hating everybody is okay
- being mentally sick makes you more interesting
- hating yourself is cool
- belonging to a majority makes you a bad person
- you are not allowed to feel bad about your body
- you have to accept everyone despite their toxic views